Become a Super Connector and Help More People with Scott Gerber
Hello, beautiful Maven, we are at Episode 127. I shouldn’t even say episode anymore, because I’ve done a lot more than 120 I guess, episodes. But this is my 127th in terms of interviews. And today I have, let’s see, I would say he’s very energetic, like I had to keep up with him. He’s very extroverted. And his name is Scott Gerber. Now, if you haven’t heard that name before, he’s not in the wellness circle channels. He’s actually the CEO of the Community Company, an organization that builds and manages community driven programs for media companies and global brands. He also is the founder of YEC, which is an invitation only organization, basically the world’s most successful young entrepreneur. And believe it or not, it doesn’t stop there.
He’s also the founder of Forbes Councils, a collective of invitation only organizations for elite executives. He’s definitely a sought-after speaker, the co-author of Super Connector, which is one of the main reasons I wanted to have him on the show, and the author of Never Get A Real Job. Now Scott has been featured everywhere, like the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post Bloomberg, Fortune, Time, CNN, MSNBC, I mean, it goes on and on. He’s basically been everywhere and recognized for his amazing entrepreneurial journey. And that’s why I wanted him on the show.
I don’t think you’re gonna be disappointed at all. I had a fabulous time getting to know more about Scott. We talked about the book he co-authored Super Connector, in a lot more detail. And I really wanted to dig into this topic because I know you’re challenged with this, right? So, I talked to Scott about the difference between networking, just like getting out there and actually connecting.
I also picked away his brain because he’s definitely very extroverted. So, I put his feet to the fire on, you know, how does this really play out for people who are introverted, because I know you’re just like me, it’s more difficult for you because you’re introverted, or that’s what you think. And Scott has a lot to say about this. So, pay attention.
And I also wanted to just like highlight of out of this conversation that I thought was a really important discussion we had was, the intersection of your connecting efforts, or your networking efforts and business development, because right at the end of the day, we’re all putting ourselves out there and connecting with amazing people so that not just we can do that authentically, but help so that we can help you know further our business efforts, as well. And Scott has great insights and wisdom around this. I’ve been saying a lot lately, grab a pen and paper and write this goodness down, because there are so many gold nuggets, and I hate to repeat myself. But this is really, really good. And this is exactly what you need to hear. And I hope by the end of this you are like typing in the URL to go grab this book. Alright, without further adieu, let’s get started.
Hey, Maven, I haven’t made the ask in a while. So, I hope you don’t mind me taking just a few moments to let you know that Reviews matter. They do, reviews matter. And I just want to give a shout out to a couple people who’ve left some really nice reviews recently. I want to give out to share a shout out to Cher who says love Michelle’s questions and interviewing style. If you start with one episode, start with with the one with Jason Goldberg. It’s so good. Oh my gosh, that makes me smile. Really, really big Cher because that’s definitely one of my favorite interviews of all time. also want to give a shout out to Molly. I love the low fluff actionable steps shared on this podcast.
You know, here’s the thing. If you’re listening and you’re bingeing on it like Molly and Cher, then I don’t need to convince you but here’s the thing, reviews do matter. People read reviews, and like I said, when I was just kind of first launching this segment is that I haven’t made the ask in a while. So, I wanted to put it out there to you that if you’re receiving value, like Cher, like Molly, Hey, take a few moments just take a few moments. You know, whether you’re in iTunes I Heart Radio, Stitcher, etc. And just share with people what you think about this podcast, what type of value you’re getting, I want your honest review, of course, but I’m making the ask and that’s going to help me out that’s going to help me reach out and touch more people. Which means I can keep going with the podcast, I can keep going and bringing you value week in and week out. All right. Now, let’s hear from our guest.
Hello, Scott, welcome to the show.
Thanks so much for having me.
Yeah, I am. Well, actually a mutual friend of ours. Right. Michael Roderick introduced us and or connected us, I should say, and when I heard about your expertise, your topic, your book? I was like, Yes, yes.
Oh, thank you. That’s very kind of you.
Yeah. everybody’s like, so what’s your backstory? How did you get into this world of Connect, networking connecting?
Yeah, so you know, many years. Go over a decade now ago, I had a business that in a matter of 24 months, I took from making a lot of money doing very well being very successful student to making every dumb rookie mistake, being an egotistical maniac, being financially stupid and illiterate. To get every dumb rookie mistake to them. At the end of the 24 months after the rollercoaster ride, having $700 left to my name. My real job loyalist mother, who has a 30-year stalwart in New York City Board of Education, said to me, it’s time to get a real job.
I had other plans, I took the last $700, left to my name, and basically had some real introspection, which I’m so grateful for that at least in all of my how should I politely saying, my dumb, stupid, you know, early Gen Y, entrepreneurial hustle mentality, I managed to take five seconds and actually learn what was the reason that I had failed. And of course, you could say, well, I spent too much and I did this project when I shouldn’t have but what was the core what was if I had to give the thesis, the one line, and that was that I had not surrounded myself with an inner circle of people that I could fundamentally trust, they could fundamentally trust me, that we could demask from all of the hell that is entrepreneurship to actually have a meaningful conversation in good times and bad.
And because I didn’t have that inner circle, and realize that which I think was really the moment that I finally I think, matured in some ways, and set myself straight in a lot of ways. Because then by putting a great inner circle, I quickly fixed those other areas, because people helped me made it clear that they needed to be fixed. I sort of made a goal for myself that if ever, I was successful in future business, that I would want to ensure that no young entrepreneurs at that time, were alone ever again, that they didn’t have this sense of being in the void. And thankfully, my next business did very well.
I then went on to basically help other young entrepreneurs by putting these panels discussions together and things that I could pull all these successful entrepreneurs that I had sort of met to colleges and universities and so forth. And one day, I get a phone call from someone in the media, they say, Mr. Gerber, you know, the company, this is 2009-2010. The economies are collapsing around us. You know, youth entrepreneurship, you know, youth unemployment is skyrocketing. Gen Y is a lost generation, you’re all gonna be impoverished till your grandkids, grandkids, grandkids are there.
You know, we hear you’re leading of movement to solve youth unemployment through entrepreneurship. And I said, Who is this again? They told me the name of the publication. I said, Yes, I am. And they said, Well, what are you calling it and I hadn’t made it. And I just said, that’s the Young Entrepreneur Council.
So, you never lacked confidence.
Confidence was not the problem. But the backing up of the reason to be confident at the earliest stages probably was, yeah, I think that fundamental self-awareness is what I was missing and that that match with the idea that I was surrounded initially with no one then the wrong people then finally found my stride became selective about who that average five was. And that’s really how I’ve run my life ever since is a more thoughtful and meaningful connector that truly goes deep, not wide with relationships, mainly because I’ve been the benefactor of what happens when you actually invest your time and are habitually generous and are emotionally intelligent about the way you treat your relationships.
And, you know, today, we’re very fortunate to have taken that YC model that used to build the one of the largest, fastest growing controversial programs in the country, to now build communities for some of the largest global brands and media companies in the world, all with the same ideals, ethos, mission, and habitual generosity at the core, that enabled us to really take this mission, now to a book, but really, to just to people, which is really the whole goal here, just to share an idea worth spreading.
I love this, because I often tell listeners, and I mean, my clients that it’s the relationships and the quality of relationships that will create lasting success in your business, and it will accelerate success. But I think the challenge for so many is that you don’t necessarily see an immediate return when you’re talking about building lasting relationships. It takes time. What do you say? Or what are your thoughts around if you’re new? I mean, do just have to do your time? Or can you return?
I mean, I love this question. And I appreciate you asking it, because this is what kills me. Right? I think that there we have been society has so bastardized our minds through new technology platforms and social media and microwave style thinking and five-minute abs and all these things that are instantaneous. Have it now you can get it right now, let’s talk about why Steve Jobs is the most amazing entrepreneur but never talked about the journey it took for 30 years to get there. Let’s just talk about what he’s a kingmaker. But we’re always talking about the goal to win, but the personal gain, but we don’t talk about the work.
And what kills me is that this idea of a networker, I’m going to make this really, really simple for everyone in your audience. Okay. We’ve just met a couple of minutes ago, okay, if I just came up to you for the first time. And even though we’ve been introduced by someone we hold in a very high regard, whether it’s me or someone else I come up to and I say, you know, I think you and I should be best friends. We’ve only known each other a couple minutes, right? But we’re best friends. You know what, I’m just gonna start calling us best friends. And you’ll trust me, whatever, you know, it’s fine. What we’ll just do everything together.
You get my point. Like it just it doesn’t make sense. There is no other environment on earth, where you can expect someone’s undying loyalty support passion, connections, interest, brain power, unless you show how much of an individual you are, what you care about why they should invest time in you. But we’re always trying to think, how do we cheat relationship building time? How do we roll back? That’s my favorite new word converting conversion. But this is the mentality, and it’s just so off base. And so, I will leave this this question with the fundamental thing that changed my mindset on this very thing because I thought the same way when I got started, because remember, I went from that failure, it’s not to go figure it out. It’s not like I became a connector overnight.
I made a lot of dumb mistakes after that, in how I related to people, but someone who I considered to be a queen maker, and kingmaker, she was someone who worked with Richard Branson asked folks in the world name was Holly Pat, early mentor of mine. And I was prodding her. I was like, Holly, you work with all these killers? How do I do what they do? But like, in five months? How do I go from like that 30 year journey they did, but I truncate it in the social media age or because I’m a Gen wire, you know, all that stuff. And she said something so profound at the time that I wish I had enough intelligence to understand the depths of something so simple. And she said, real relationships take real time. And you can’t cheat real time. You can only cheat your time.
Oh, that’s so good.
And the thing that’s insane about that statement, it’s as if the second you hear it, you’re going to have half your audience. That’s like, wow, that’s profound. I’m going to think about that. Now, the rest of the day, the other half is like, Yeah, but that doesn’t apply to me. And so, I’m here to tell you, yes, it does. Yes, it does. There is no five-minute abs, there is no drink this neutra shake, it’s the same thing. You want to live a healthy lifestyle. It’s not going to be from walking on a treadmill for five minutes drinking a neutra shake.
It’s a fundamental mindset shift to live in every regard a healthy lifestyle, the same thing goes for relationships, tips, tricks, it’s not MLM style guru thinking. It’s literally changing your entire framework for how you live your life, to be your best self, to allow others to see and experience you and to go deep instead of wide with those who care.
And I’ll take it a step further. Because this is what I teach is that if you can’t do that in a one to one format, then there’s no way in hell you’re going to be able to do that in an online world.
No, and that’s the other great question. So, you know, we were joking around before the interview started and you said oh, you know, you’re not a novice in this are you and you know, it’s funny when you hear the questions on these different podcasts. One of the ones that keeps coming up, especially in more of the marketing style podcasts is well how should you speak or communicate or act as they’re supposed to act differently? How do you act differently in the real world versus the digital world? When did it become okay to be like, Hey, you know, in this in this community of people, this is the right mask to put on in this one, you shouldn’t say this, you should say that, shouldn’t we just always be human? You know what I mean? Shouldn’t we say and speak and write the same things. Like I don’t understand this, this logic of be some different two different groups of people.
You might like, you know, for example, it’s a video social network, or a photo social network, you might caption something, but take a photo with different way that something’s written because that’s how people consume content. But you’re not going to be like asking a question to start a conversation differently, because I’m speaking to you, we’re sort of writing it. But these are all the misconceptions about what I believe is at the fundamental level, which is being human going back to human.
Yeah, and this is this, I know this part really well, like this is this is my corporate world. This is my brick and mortar business. And I’ll be the first person to raise my hand when I came online. I had all the confidence in that. But then I was confused about the rules of engagement I was confused about because I didn’t know what I didn’t know. And so I was a little timid, about how to be me in this different world.
Yeah. And look, I think that what you have to realize is you have to know your strengths and weaknesses. So, another misconception that a lot of people talk about is, well, when you talk about connectors, you have this picture of like an extrovert walking into a conference and walking out with 5000 friends, right? And it couldn’t be farther from the truth. I actually have been saying pretty often, even though I am a Type A chutzpah oriented, you know, extroverts in the next partner Ryan, is as introvert as it gets.
But I would argue that there are certain weaknesses I have in there certain ones he has, but both of us have a similar style, mainly, because we have taken from one another sort of mindset framework and playbook, because introverts ironically, you know, where I guess against popular thinking, would are actually better suited to be connectors, because their perceived weakness of you can’t walk into that room and start talking to 5000 people actually makes them have to think more, research people, convene them in a space that’s an oasis, and an environment that’s friendly to their best efforts, not one that’s against their better interest.
And so I think that a lot of those things, extroverts can really learn from right in the same way that I had to learn different etiquette in again, the online world not because I would say or speak differently, but because you have to have enough self-awareness to understand the environment you’re in to know how other people who might not know you, who might not have a first-hand communication with you how they’re going to view the ways in which you’re coming off. So, what is your best self, it’s the same best self in a different sense. But you’re not going to necessarily be again, the guy at the bar in the same year, the guy on the forum, until you have that camaraderie until you’ve built that community, so you’ve engaged in a thoughtful manner, people really understand you is still your best self.
I love that you said that because my audience will I would say the majority would say they’re introverted. And that’s me as well. But I don’t see it as a detriment, I see that I read people a lot quickly, really well, I connect with them more quickly, when I do make a connection, because it’s more authentic, and it’s more thoughtful. Do you agree with those statements?
Ya, there’s no generalizing statement that you can say this person is better than that, or this idea is better than that one. But what I will say is, there is nobody that is born a connector, there is no one that cannot become a connector. And so rather you’re an extrovert or an introvert, it’s really about having enough self-awareness about yourself to know how do you act on your best and strongest assets, and minimize as much risk to what you believe to deem as risk or fear as possible.
So for example, I mean, we do an annual summit for one of our programs YC that I mentioned earlier, our annual summit, and you often see me in the lodge with 15 people, you know, talking and really facilitating a group discussion, right, not being the center of that discussion. But as I know most of the members in a very deep way, I’m able to help drive it so that they can have a more thoughtful conversation.
Whereas my partner Ryan, his big thing is he likes to go down the ski slopes with one member at a time so we have to go up the ski lift one member at a time. So, he does a one on one conversation. Both of us ultimately are building relationships. Neither person you know, the one going up or the 15 around the table are gonna say, well, Scott’s are way better connect or Ryan’s more thoughtful, but it’s understanding our strengths and playing to how best we can communicate, facilitate, convene, curate, and be in an environment that empowers us to be our best selves.
Yeah, so I’m just gonna give a shout out to what you just said one more time, but leverage your strengths. Over difference.
Yep, yep. And pick anchors and fellow connectors that fill your weaknesses.
Tell me more about that.
Yep, I have Ryan. So, Ryan fills my biggest weaknesses or shortcomings and I fill his. And that’s not even just in the business sense. It’s in the whatever environment sense we’re in. I mean, Ryan might not do well, if he was walking into a bigger room by himself. But because I’m there and I could draw people in, I’m helping to facilitate what makes him more comfortable, in the same way that if we’re in a smaller, more intimate environment, having him lead discussion, because he’s probably done more thoughtful research on the two or three people we’re talking to, rather than how I would initially speed or be more curious and want to learn more, he does the homework ahead of time.
So, it’s just about learning the different ways to combine, but in the business sense or in the connectional intelligence sense, these are really great assets you can have. And it’s not just about partnering again, to go build something with someone, it’s how you would even attend a basic event. It’s how you don’t want to have your inner circle around you diversifying those strengths and weaknesses so that you can, you know, be one another’s sort of wingman or wingwoman, I think is really helpful to your connectional intelligence.
One thing I didn’t want to forget to ask you about is, networking does not equal business development, connecting doesn’t equal business development, but it naturally can lead to that, which is a huge issue and how people look at it, do this in the book?
Yes, a lot. I’ll give you a quick audit that people should do. And then what profiting means to a connector. Okay, because, again, we’re not talking about everybody going into the nonprofit business here. I mean, there are people who are going to pay bills, you start to build a business, there’s nothing wrong with that if you’re not doing it in that sort of icky salesperson transactional sort of way.
So, I’m gonna ask everybody that’s listening to this, to do one simple audit of yourself. And you don’t have to tell anyone the results, you could do this totally in your own head and just don’t lie to yourself. That’s the key most people look, here’s what you do. In the next five conversations you have in the professional setting, with people you’ve never met before you could be introduced to them, but never met them before. When the first 60 120 seconds of that conversation happens, does your mind go in the A direction, which is, I have a question, I want to ask this person to follow up and learn more, or some variation of that, or in the B direction, where it’s like this person is or is not directly helpful to me.
Therefore, I either need to leave this conversation or extract the value by which I can to be successful in this interaction. That is the networker versus the connectors, differentiate mindset right there. And in order to know how who you are, you have to know yourself, you have to be honest, and you have to catch yourself. So, if you’re just enough, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. If this is the way you think, look, we’ve been doing this for decades, which is the height of lunacy, because if I asked you right now, hey, you know, don’t you love when someone comes up to you? And you know, they’re a networker? Everybody cringes not one person I’ve talked to her knows would be like, man, do I love that networker? He is a great networker. Nobody says that we talked about networking, but networkers suck.
So, the only way to get past that is to start changing your mindset and realize your faults. That’s number one. So, once you are a connector, does that mean you’re not supposed to make money? No, absolutely not. But it’s a more thoughtful way based on Not a single transaction, but almost like a portfolio effect. Right? You have lots of people that you’ve been habitually generous to that you’ve been there for that you’ve had many interactions with, that all of a sudden, you could start talking about things like we call them trigger phrases, which is coined by Derrick Coburn. And it’s this idea that you could tell people when you hear this phrase, you know, think of me, you know, you can be direct about what you do to help them better connect you to others because you put the work in to build that. But what connectors do to take it another step further, what I would argue super connectors do to really change it is a story I’m about to tell you. This is a natural thing, an anecdote based on the gentleman I just mentioned, Derrick Coburn of what he did.
So, here’s a guy who’s a wealth manager, which as anybody knows is basically a commoditized business. Okay, totally a relationship game. And most of the people try to use the status of the company they work for as the driving force. I’m a Goldman Sachs person, you know, something like that. And if you look at the historical trends, most wealth managers have very low performing referral businesses. In fact, they’re in single digits on a national average, according to research that Derrick and his company had done, yet his company was in the high percent range of referral business. Well, how did he do that?
He created an environment specific to a goal that was not transactional, but basically creating a community around his business. This is exactly what he did. He created a very high-end wine event. Now obviously, if you are in the wealth management business, a like-minded thing is probably really high level one. This isn’t like when you’re going to go get at your local bar, this is like, thousands of dollars per bottle. And he had one rule, he would invite his clients out once in a while event. And he would say, Look, I don’t care if it’s your spouse, I don’t care if it’s your best friend, I don’t care if it’s someone you work with. But it has to be the person you invite has to really have an appreciation for the finest wines in the world.
So immediately, he didn’t put a revenue criteria, he didn’t put a you know, but he put a certain level of understanding on this, that this is meant for a certain kind of individual. So, more times than not his clients who obviously love him, support him are big fans and advocates of him use him are going to invite more times than not someone who probably could also use Derek, now they would come to this. And you might do a short speech, but sales pitching, and what’s going to happen in a natural course of conversation, you’re going to have one of these clients be asked the question by their buddy. Hey, so what are we doing here? Who’s the host? Oh, yeah, he’s a wealth manager. Oh, really? Yeah, he does this all the time. Well, my wealth manager doesn’t do that for me, how’s he performing for you, man, he’s amazing. Oh, I should get an introduction.
And now by the time Derek walks up, he doesn’t even have to say what he does. He’s had an advocate and experience something totally different. That allows for a natural thing that if he is going to pass a business card, it’s because he’s being asked for it not because he wanted to. That’s the difference of how it connects your things. Everything matters, conversation, context, environment, the Oasis, you set up, these are the things that allow you to create profit in whatever profit mindset, you’re looking for financial lifestyle, whatever it is, it’s creating the space, it’s being selective and creating the environment in all facets that you’re in.
I love that you said environment because orchestrating the experience, I believe is just as important as who’s there. Like orchestrating the group, if you will, and then facilitation. But so many people focus on one or nothing.
No, absolutely. I mean, we learned that the best events we ever threw. And we actually, if your audience wants to take a look, we just wrote an op ed for LinkedIn weekend essay, it’s available on my LinkedIn profile, you want to read it about how the worst networking events Ryan and I ever did way in the beginning of YC, fundamentally changed our outlook, because we saw real quick errors of our ways.
And so now we do a very lockstep approach to how we create events. You know, we got great feedback off of that horrible experience from one of our members who said it best – networking for networking sake, has no place in any of my time. Networking for networking sake, has no place. So, you have to make a remarkable experience. When we look at what that means, we look at some of the biggest conferences in the world. Which one for one reason or another sales bizdev. advertising, you know, you are going to sometimes be at these events. But most are not like man, I can’t wait to go to that conference. What a great conference.
So what we do, we look at two environments, the local environment in which the event is taking place, the actual, you know, where in the United States, where the world is it, what city and we look at the people that are a member base or people we care about stakeholders that are going to be attending that event, we pull them out of that event into a private Oasis to create an experience for them, where they’re not having networking for networking sake, because these two worlds, the local folks from town that are exceptional entrepreneurs, or executives, depending on the community, and these people from out of town that they would normally never connect with.
We’ve now created something that is special. We tell everyone who’s in the room, we give them sure LinkedIn bio who’s in the room, but we ask them questions ahead of time that we can syndicate the answers to remove all the friction, like what are you working on right now? What’s the one thing keeping you up at night? Where do you see you can provide the most success to someone else? And by getting that information out to everyone before an event? Now, all of a sudden, when they do meet, there is no like, Well, what do you do? It’s actually honest dialogue day one. And because we have created the environment, and the association with the organization is so strong, you’re removing a lot of those traditional barriers.
And so that’s what I think a lot of people have to do this Oasis effect is something that I think is one of the strongest things you can do because doesn’t take a lot of work. You know, if you’re just getting started, even the ability for you, let’s say if you’re an associate at a law firm, okay? And you want to like learn what it takes to really like make it in the associate game to see what people are thinking about what they’re dealing with. Go to if you’re going to a law conference, do the research, ask people are you going are you going get 15 people 10 people off site for open dialogue conversation, people come up together and but these kinds of things. They’re not like the 1% style activations. Anybody can do them and that’s a big thing. Enforcement book. This is an every person book. This is not a 1% billionaire class five secrets read by any means.
I’m looking at the time, like there’s no shortage of places to go. But there’s one thing back on biz development that I wanted to ask you. It gets kind of tricky. I mean, for me, I’ve been in the situation where I mean, I’m well connected, I’ve got great relationships. And then that’s some point. There’s like this gray area where it needs to be transitioned into now you’re my client. And I always struggled with where and when that is, being a being a connector and being someone that wants to give. But then there’s that fine line where you start feeling like, okay, now you’re, it’s a boundaries thing. It’s my personal issue, but I know a lot of people listening have this challenge, too.
I think, Adam Grant and his book, Give and Take, sort of really set up the paradigm. If you look at the triangle that he sort of created the pyramid, the givers were on both the top as the most successful and the givers on the bottom as the least successful. And the difference was their ability to set boundaries and to prioritize their own success. You can’t just be habitually giver, you know, generous to every single person on earth. Because you’re not prioritizing your own success. People want to work with you, because you are successful, right?
If you all of a sudden are falling behind on deadlines, if you are not able to secure clients, because you’re giving all your best stuff away. The reality is, is that people should respect that there are boundaries. And frankly, and this is a little bit of the antithesis, one would think of sort of a Super Connector mindset philosophy. But we argue in the book, most of the best connectors in business, say no more to Yes, and have a lot of reasons why.
But they’ve defined them in a very clear manner. They articulate and communicate the no, in a very clear manner, they don’t just let you go into the ether, but they are very clear. But by doing that, you’re setting your lanes, I think the problem is, when you don’t set your lanes, that’s a problem. It’s the same thing here. Look, I build membership communities, those membership communities have an annualized membership fee. Because at the end of the day, my argument would be, well, if you want to see value, at the levels we’re talking about, I have to sustain people to give you that value, I have to sustain the community as a whole, which means everybody’s got to contribute in order to see the bigger picture for everyone involved. If you don’t believe that you should pay dues into the business. That’s your right. I’m not gonna say you have to abuse but that you shouldn’t expect me to just let you in.
Yeah, so I think that there’s just set your boundaries, say yes or no, be clear. I think the problem today, and this isn’t a connector thing. This is just a business thing. We are so wishy washy, people are misunderstood all the time, because they are not trying to be understood. And if you were just clear, it doesn’t mean you’re an asshole, doesn’t mean you’re being prickish. But if you’re clear, like, Look, this is in the scope of work. And these are the things outside of that I’m more than happy to help you with. We’re looking at these are the services I’m providing. But those services are in tandem perhaps with other partnerships you could do if I know those people, I want to see your success, because then I become more successful in longer term engagement. I’m happy to do that for you. But this is my area, this is the thing that they’re This is my life. I think if you communicate it, you’ll be successful.
Yeah. I’m curious, this was a new one. For me. I recently had connected with a group of women at a conference and a couple of them we were following up and one had asked me to pay her for leads. And I had never to be honest, I had never been in that scenario before hadn’t given it much thought. So, it did catch me off guard, although I know that it’s done. Thoughts on that?
You know, again, if you’re a leads business, okay, I can buy into that argument kind of, but if you are a connector, a true connector, then you’re not a networker. And a networker is individual one for one transactional person. And that connector is someone that gives generously of their network to those that are deserving and are at the right stage or making the right ask because they see the value of having this you know, long term series of communities around them. But the buyer beware of anything. Obviously, we live in a day and age where, who knows what’s up and down half the time anyway. But your lens is how you have to guide your thinking your actions, your time being spent. And so, if something goes off as a red flag for somebody, you’re probably right.
Yeah. My gut was all over that one. Where do people go to find more?
Well, you could buy the book everywhere books are sold. It’s called Super Connectors: Stop Networking and Start Building Business Relationships That Matter. You can also learn more about it at superconnectorbook.com. Follow me on twitter at Scott Gerber. And you can follow Ryan at Ryan Paugh on Twitter.
Perfect. We’ll get it all in the show notes. Thanks so much for being on the show.
Pleasure. Thanks for having me.
One more thing. I’m really singing a lot today. I don’t know why. And the funny thing is I’m batch recording a few episodes today. So, there’s gonna be a lot of singing over the next few weeks. That’s what I can tell you. But before we wrap up that interview was amazing with Scott I, he just talks so fast and furious, but he was laying it all out there like I didn’t, I just was like sitting back, if you could see the videos like nodding my head giving him a thumbs up the whole time. But you know, one of the things I wanted to reflect on for me, you know, after this interview, I thought, you know, I use the word networking a lot.
And Scott made a really clear distinction in the sand and I love, love love because in my mind, by the way, networking in my mind, the word networking has always meant connecting. I didn’t even think to differentiate it. To be honest, I just thought that’s what people do, of course, until I started getting out into the real world and just seeing how other business owners approach it. And of course, I was aware of that used car salesman approach in my corporate gig, because that’s where I really, I guess, got my chops on how to connect with people.
But connecting, I’m really gonna be working hard to just change the language I use around that because I love the differentiator. And I think when I communicate to you, and I say the word connecting, and instead of networking, I think that’s going to be more meaningful to you. And if you follow my stuff, I just wanted to give you one tidbit, you might have heard this before from me if you if you’re if you’re bingeing on my content, but the very first thing you need to do when you’re thinking about finding communities, for example, communities to connect in, is to find the best places for you.
You know, Scott, and I don’t think we talked about that. I’m sure you haven’t read his book, him and Ryan’s book cover to cover, but I’m positive that he would agree with this, which is you’ve got to find the best places for you and not all the places are the best places for you. So that’s step number one, if you’re looking for like an actionable step is to make a list of all the possible places, the possible communities you could be hanging out in and connecting with others and visit them and try them on and then choose one or two places to really go deep and spend your time and choose the places that are the best for you the best fit for you. All right, beautiful Maven. What do I always say. Until next week, we’ll talk to you soon.