Part of the system we build for success as high-performers is we keep ourselves safe by not allowing anyone in. We end up feeling alone as if we’re facing everything on our own and we only rely on ourselves. It has been a reliable system for many years, but there comes a time that we need to acknowledge when it’s not working for us anymore. Our guest for this episode is Tatiana Dudyez. Tatiana was the mastermind business owner behind a multimillion-dollar Canadian franchise that she built from the ground up. Today, she joins Michelle McGlade to share her journey around building and exiting that company, finding that she was completely disconnected from her material external success. She talks about how you can unleash the high achiever in you, and uses her own experience and reflects on that around the question of why some women don’t support other women and where this jealousy comes from. If you are at your core a driven high-achieving woman or man, this is the episode for you.
Unleashing The High Achiever Within You With Tatiana Dudyez
I have Tatiana Dudyez. I have a great conversation with her. If you are at your core like me, a driven high-achieving woman or man, this is the episode for you. Ms. Tatiana was the mastermind business owner behind a multimillion-dollar Canadian franchise that she built from the ground up. She went on quite a journey around building and exiting that company, finding that she was completely disconnected from her material external success. If you’ve ever felt that way, I have where you’re like, “What the hell am I doing? I built all this.” She felt unfulfilled too. She was exhausted. She was pushing her way to get to the top. She felt unconscious of her purpose, stuck and lonely. She had hit a wall and realized that she was numbing herself with achievement and it wasn’t enough anymore. Something was missing.
The great news is Tatiana being driven as she is, she didn’t stop there. She didn’t want to settle and spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on learning, training and discovering who she was in a river of tears. What I know that she knows is that women high-performers are women before anything else and that is what she was missing, but no longer. We dive into some of the heartbreak and pain that she experienced but allowed her to come out on the other side to develop a unique and innovative formula for women in business based on her personal experience. I bring to you Ms. Tatiana Dudyez, a woman who is uniquely positioned to integrate the differences between both men and women for higher performance together. She is an executive coach for the conscious high performer and consults and trains corporations on creating gender-intelligent cultures. She’s an amazing public speaker on power, fierce feminine leadership and liberating the man in the leader.
I can’t help myself but tease out some gold nuggets that stood out in this interview to heighten your awareness of this conversation. This is a vulnerable conversation and I am not kidding when I say, if you are a high performer, this is going to hit you in the gut. Allow yourself some space. Don’t read this as you’re rushing into a meeting because this might hit you over the head and go, “What the F have I been doing?” You might need some space to digest this conversation. What stands out to me is not just the vulnerability, but how well Tatiana is able to articulate what is going on inside of you, the high-achiever. She’s able to articulate what it is about ourselves as human beings, what’s in our DNA for survival and how that plays into our go and push masculine energy. Why has it been a reliable system for many years? What is happening? How we are all living the human experience at a time when we need to acknowledge that this system is not working for us. How do we integrate both the masculine and feminine sides?
I wanted to have this conversation and I wanted you all to learn about her because of the way she is able to explain this helps the individual understand themselves better as a high performer. Why you feel the push and pull the way you do and where you’re getting in your own way? It’s powerful. The new language that I will be borrowing from Tatiana moving forward is she talks in the language of how we build systems for success as high achievers and how those systems serve us until they don’t, until we push ourselves to illness, for example. We are eventually called upon to build a new system. The last thing I want to highlight is to focus towards the end of this interview, a vulnerable conversation where Tatiana uses her own experience and reflects on that around my question of, “Why do some women not support other women and where does this jealousy come from?” She articulates it well and it is going to agitate your mind in a good way to begin to look at your own life and your own experiences quite differently. Without further ado, let’s hear from the beautiful, Ms. Tatiana Dudyez.
I became a member even before I moved here in preparation. When I got here, they asked me to take care of their leadership lunches. They were launching this intention to bring the two or three top-level membership within the group. There are five levels of membership and they wanted those women to feel closer, better service in some way because they’re paying a bit more. They asked me to take the initiative and do it and I’m like, “What do you want me to do? Do you have a mandate?” I was the first one to do it here in LA. They’re like, “No, just go for it.” I did it according to what I feel is what women need nowadays. It’s more connection, more authenticity and more truth. I started these lunches on a monthly basis that reunites them to network, but I always preface the meeting as, “This is not just a network event. This is an event where you come in and you bring your heart to the table and you are here to give, not get. You will get only if you give and if you put your heart on the table, be here, be present and listen to what the other women next to you needs.”
It turned out to be a nice connection moment. I was having one and I always bring a theme because it bonds people better than going, “How are you? What do you do?” It’s empty and not worth my time, in my own opinion. The theme was 2019 and how do you want to experience 2020? Everybody has been mentioning and it’s not just in that particular circle. It’s within all the different conversations that I’ve had with people that 2019 was challenging. It was not the year we all thought it was going to be. We all thought, “2019 is going to be awesome.” I did and I hear that a lot too.
I feel like it was much more like a year of the inside.
That’s exactly what everyone came to. One was talking about faith. I was talking about inner expansion like pushing the boundaries inside. I’m in my practice, having that be congruent on the outside as well. It’s 2020 and I want it to be peaceful. I want effortless abundance. That’s what I want.
When did you learn that it could be effortless?
Throughout these last few years where it’s going to be the anniversary of the selling of my shares of that previous business, which is a big date for me. January 1st, 2015 is when my lawyer opened her office for me to ensure I get my check. My company had been operating differently in the last few years. She felt she had to open her office to protect me. It feels good to have people like that in your life that are there to look at for you, to watch out and protect you. It’s through the last few years that I’ve learned that it can be effortless depending on how aware we are of the feminine that we want to bring into our lives. That’s why my passion is for the high achiever because the high achiever does not believe in effortlessness.
I use the work hard strategy for my whole life practically.
It’s a huge part of what is challenging for us as high-achievers to learn is open ourselves up. That’s for men and women, but I tend to believe that this desire is more prevalent in women. Women have more deep down when they strip away the layers and all of the walls we’ve constructed to build this identity as the hustler and the high achiever. When we get down to it and we are super freaking crazy, unapologetically, authentic and raw, I do believe that women have a stronger desire for effortlessness in their lives. We get to a point where we’re tired of fighting and tired of hustling. We want to live the life we want of abundance, of great success and fabulous success without the belief that we have to work hard and go at it like men in such a hunting fashion. They can have it.
How about if we go through it with ease, grace and flow? We learn that flow and relearning all of that has been such a path for me. When I first sold my shares, then I jumped into this Tony Robbins year. It was the biggest gift I’ve ever given myself. It was the sabbatical year I gifted myself with following one of the greatest coaches around. I toured the world. In two years, I must have done over twenty events. There is nothing that I live in my life in a quiet way. I’m always an intense, very upfront and black or white person. I’ve been criticized many times for that. As a woman in the dating world, “You’re intense.” I got fed up with hearing that and they think that it’s a compliment when they are not complimenting you. They’re trying to make it sound like a compliment. I am done with that. I was like, “What is that? I’m intense. If you can’t take it, say that you can’t take it,” and that’s okay but be honest with yourself and with me. Don’t go, “You’re intense.” You can say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can take your intensity.” How vibrant and honest is that?
During that first year, I learned to listen to what the high achiever is all about because I had assumed that everyone is like that because I was living in my own world of high-achievement. One of the common denominators in that world is that we’re isolated. We were running our own businesses. We’re striking high and we have high standards. We are always on the go. You don’t have time to slow down. You don’t take time to listen even to your kids or to yourself. It’s a constant on the go. I was a single mom and my business was my security blanket. It was my financial and we had divorced because of my business. I had deep anger, but I was defiant. That’s different. It was like, “You want to divorce me because of my business. With a divorce settlement, you want to have half of my business.” I went, “No, I’m going to take my chances.” I walk away with my business, which at the time was small, “I’ll grow it and I’ll walk away.” You and all of the men out there, I am going to show you and that’s the energy I had.
It served you, Tatiana. You’re saying that you were far on the spectrum one way.
That’s exactly the point. Thank you for underlying it. I was far on this spectrum that way, in that masculine defiant energy where I learned with time. I develop my business thereafter for another several years of building this on my own. I never had a nanny. I wanted to be there for my kids and take the phone calls from my kids in the middle of the day as I’m driving a client around.
You did not discriminate. You were defiant in all areas of your life.
Looking back with what I know, it was somewhat scary for men being around me and that’s another story. I went far on that spectrum that I learned to build a lot of layers and walls. That’s what I called the walls of the high achiever. When I spent that year with Tony, he’s a high achiever, who does he attract? High achievers like me and everybody else around. I was on the path of learning why I had gone to this point. The point was I was looking at my business and I thought my business was lacking passion. It was lacking growth and strategy. My thought of the business and my perception of the business at the time and we’re talking the fall of 2013, when I took my first event with Tony Robbins. I went to this Date with Destiny event. I had no idea who Tony is. I was only following the guy I was dating then. I’m a yes girl like, “I’ll go. I love to grow and find out new things.” I’m going to go, but I didn’t research anything.
You went in with total naivete about what was going to go down.
I tend to do that still because then it doesn’t sway me one way or the other. I find that it’s good to do some research because sometimes you show up a bit more prepared. I didn’t show up prepared at all, but it was good. Had I researched it, maybe I wouldn’t have gone. It is six days of intense facing your destiny. It’s called Date with Destiny. It is facing yourself 5 to 10 years down the road going, “If I continue living this way, what is my life going to look like 5, 10 or 20 years down the road?” It was like, “I don’t want to have this life five years down.” What does that mean? You go deep into what does that means. What are your fears? You face everything. I went full out into this whole process because I was ready and I bawled my face for six days.
I was in tears and I still remember my coaches and my trainers. It still brings a lot of emotion, but to come back to the year and fast forward in 2013, 2014, and 2015, one and a half years, I decided to sell my business, my home and everything. To develop a coaching business, to go and live a life of abundance, but in a different way than what I had experienced so far, which felt more restricted, forced and it felt like it was hard work. It felt like I had to fit in a box and I had outgrown the box. I found out in the process of all of this that I don’t like boxes. I don’t like to fit in a box. Don’t try to fit me in a box.
Now that you have more balance where it’s not all work and it’s going towards the effortless, you can still see the defiant part of you showing up. Now, it feels powerful. You can use that energy in the direction you want to move.
As I spent that year learning, observing and listening to all these high-achievers men and women, I was able to decide for myself that coaching moving forward was all about the persona, the identity and the behavioral patterns of high achievers. I started building this coaching business for high achievers. In the meantime, I had gone the other side of this spectrum, where I had never experienced this life of touring the world with Tony Robbins. I was learning how to live in more freedom and outside of my box. I did a whole bunch of different retreats for my feminine to come back to the surface. I remember this one moment where I’m at my desk and I bawled. I’m a crier.
You didn’t hold it in your whole life like me.
I started crying because I’m like, “I don’t know how anymore. I’m all in my feminine. Where is masculine? Where is that kick-ass boss babe that kills it and wants to crush it?” To hear those words, those are more like words that exist in the business world that we women take on because we don’t know that there is another way. That’s the bottom line.
I’m thinking about what you’re saying and every woman I talk to resonate with this flow, this ease and being effortless, but a lot of them don’t buy into it. We can see the masculine is more palpable.
It’s also what we know in society as a reliable system that everybody knows and everybody can count on. Even the education system has been built on this type of system. There are other education systems growing that listens more to kids’ creativity and kids who are outside of the box and who need to be learning in different ways than what has been so far. My stepson is going to a school like that, which is an amazingly beautiful school. It’s reliable, that’s why people believe it. It’s also part of the box and its part of their conditioning. Unfortunately, anything else that defies that feels for these women. I know because when I’ve built my websites and when I build my language to reach out to these women, my biggest challenge was to use language that they understand because who is my clientele? It’s the CEO. It’s a high-level high achiever who will not buy into effortlessness. They were like go into a yoga pose and that’s not what we’re talking about. We’re not talking about some woo-woo shit spiritual bypass. Danielle LaPorte, who I love and is one of the people I love to read. Danielle has talked a lot about the spiritual bypass. It is when people pretend to be spiritual, yet underneath, there are other leaders that are more about hypocrisy.
Effortlessness is not about dropping everything we know. It’s using everything we know differently. The point here is that my path was far out on the masculine spectrum using this defiant energy to build this business to the Canadian franchise level, which was a great success. I still got to this board where I’m like, “I’m looking at that business.” I realized that the event or that business wasn’t the business that was stale and lacks passion and lack of performance. It was me. I had reached a point where the system for success no longer worked. That’s how I serve high achievers. We all build a system for our success until something happens and it no longer works. What happens is we get sick and I got sick a lot. I got many slaps in the face. I got sick and I got an inner corporate betrayal in my company. The guy I was dating at the time, I was being slapped from all over the place. I thought, “This is life.” I wasn’t listening. I wasn’t paying attention. I thought, “I’m going to be that good Duracell little bunny and keep going.”
What else do you do?
We’re the hamster in the wheel. We keep going instead of taking a breather, sitting down, listening and looking at, “What is this teaching me? Why is this happening in my life? Where is the gift here?” In anything that we live, there is always a gift. I went from this far out, masculine energy-driven women, which is different than looking masculine. I’ve never looked masculine. I’ve never appeared masculine. People have this concept, “How could you say you’ve been masculine?” It’s not in my look. It’s in my energy, which repelled men. How could I have masculine men in my life if I’m being masculine? It doesn’t work. I went in too far into the feminine and then I was like, “Holy crap.”
I had to find a way to bring back and integrate both. That’s what I say to women because that’s who I am too. I’m still a high achiever. I came to California years ago by myself, not knowing one soul here and I’m building this business without a network. Some people have gone like, “What the hell are you doing?” It’s partly crazy and it’s out of the box.
Do you think that it’s partly crazy if you believe and trust in yourself, which you do?
It’s partly crazy in the sense that I followed my soul. It’s a calling. I’ve self-financed for the past few years. I’ve put on the table everything that I’ve got to build this. It’s not a business, it’s a mission. It’s a purpose. It’s beyond business. It’s crazy and some people would say, “You should have been more cautious.” There’s a lot of should. With Tony, we always say, “You’re shooting all over yourself with the shoulds.”
Can I go back to something you were saying that I wanted to shift? I didn’t want to forget to talk about you because I know there’s some change here too. It’s related to what you’re talking about. You’ve talked about how you raised your kids on your own and you resisted getting help. Where your story started was it’s nice to have people who will watch out for you. We’ll get that shift too. I thought that was interesting and I wanted to hear more about your thoughts about how that growth took place.
It’s interesting that you highlight this because I had a burst of that feeling where the old me came up. I was feeling alone facing everything. It’s a perception that we have when we’re used to relying on our own, relying on our ability to take care of everything. The interesting part of the high achiever women psyche and the behavioral pattern is that she builds a system of reliability on her own, on herself. She doesn’t trust. She’s not open. She doesn’t allow people around her to support her fully. How can she then be grateful for anyone trying to help? She can’t even see that there are people and she also doesn’t always know who to trust. Sometimes it happens that you’ll trust the wrong person, then she’ll go, “See, I shouldn’t trust anyone because this is what happens.” If she had strong inner pillars for checking who she’s trusting, why is she trusting that person? Have a self-check. It’s like having your own board of advisors inside. You check with your heart, your head, your higher power, your spirit and your body. Your body will give you signs as to who feels good. I feel it in my solar plexus. That’s the center of power.
You said that the high-achieving woman builds an environment of self-reliability, so they don’t trust. Would you take it a step further to say that they are hiding that they don’t even trust themselves?
Absolutely, this is one of the common denominators that for some will be more important than for others. Others may trust a bit more and have a great system around them, but other common denominators will be more far out. Generally, trust is a big factor for the high achieving woman. Generally, she is not a trusting person. I’m obsessed with duality. My mission and purpose are about bridging the gap between men and women within ourselves, between the workforce and who we want to be as individuals within the workforce. I’m always looking at how to bridge inside, which is to understand that whatever is happening on the outside because it is a belief system. It’s a perception but it doesn’t mean it’s the truth. If you believe that you don’t have people who are trustworthy around you, then you likely don’t trust yourself inside.
The outside is always a reflection of what’s going on inside. Why doesn’t she trust herself? It’s because she’s built many layers of protection and walls for that system to be in a place where that system is always about the go and achieve more. She’s got no idea what the art of fulfillment is about inside. She’s got this science of achievement developed, but the art of fulfillment, the heart, everything that goes along with the heart and how she feels and checking with herself, slowing down, listening, self-love, self-trust, having faith in herself and her abilities that everything’s always going to work out. She doesn’t believe in that yet. When she doesn’t trust herself, she doesn’t trust others. When she doesn’t feel she can trust others around her, then she feels isolated. All the parts of the system feed into each other.
The isolation will keep you safe.
It feeds into her certainty because that’s what she knows. She’s not going to open herself to anything more because it’s going to feel like out of control or unsafe because you never know what you know. It all feeds into one another and that isolation is a perception. All of those parts of the high-achiever goes against simply being a woman with her radiance, her flow, her playfulness and her desire for transparency, openness, honesty and spontaneity. When you think of your inner child when you were a little girl and not paying attention to what’s around and just being you. When I walk the streets and if I see a flower that I find gorgeous, I make a point of stopping and smelling it. It’s something I would have missed many years ago. It’s taking the moment to listen to someone. You can make a difference in that person. I’m not talking on a coaching level. I’m talking about if you’re waiting in line somewhere and you offer a smile to someone or you offer a few words. If you’re open to so much more than these drills for achievement that closes us up unfortunately. How do you combine that ability to achieve greatly and this desire that we have as women for more flow and more spontaneity and more beauty? That’s an art.
Especially in the world that we’re in, which you described as a system that supports the masculine approach, the driven, the defiant.
We’re seeing now a huge rise in women. I believe that it’s not a coincidence that the world is making a room for women and women are making room for themselves. There’s a huge rise of women because the matriarchy needs to be brought back in alignment with patriarchy. This system has been in place for a long time. We are seeing the opposite because to every action, there’s an opposite reaction.
The pendulum is going way back, but you’re suggesting it’s going to land in the middle somewhere.
I’m suggesting that we have to ensure that it lands in the middle because with all due respect to the feminist movement, which was a necessary movement to bring the pendulum far in that direction, to make room for women so we could be heard, be respected, be brought to even be able to vote. How basic a need is that? It had to go that way and unfortunately, that movement was attached to a lot of anger against men. I don’t believe that’s the answer. That’s why 2019 for me, through some personal experiences with my men, I realized that here I am talking about integration inside for women of the masculine and the feminine. I am talking about integration in the world of matriarchy and patriarchy being brought together in an equal fashion so that both understand, embrace and celebrate each other. The answer is there in the joining, the merge and the alchemy of matriarchy and patriarchy. I am talking about all of that and yet in my coaching practice, I have no men.
There needs to be both.
My website is being finally redesigned because I’ve had a few men as clients.
I was thinking about that for you. When you were talking, I was like, “I don’t know if she can see it, but she’s perfectly aligned to do this work for both sides.” You’re the bridger. The first time we met, it felt powerful to me in the way you talk about your work and your experiences and what you bring in both sides. You can understand them well. I think that what’s special about you.
Thank you and I developed as well, so now I have women and men. I’ve developed a center core for my purpose, which is gender intelligent culture and leadership within companies. It’s consulting companies on how they can bring the two together so that the two can perform better together.
The one thing we haven’t touched on with this that I would be curious about your thoughts and what’s come up in some of my other interviews is the fact that women aren’t helping women.
I’m often asked about that question, “Why is it that women can be catty? Why is it women can be competitive?” My answer to that is in two-folds. The first part of the answer is that when you pick women who behave this way, generally, they’re women who are masculine in their energy. They haven’t come to terms with embracing the fullness of their feminity. What does that mean to be in your feminity? It means that you are at ease with yourself and you’re at ease with others, that you are open, loving and not discriminate in any way. It’s like a flower where you’re open to anything. You’re not triggered by competition because you understand that there is enough for everyone. It’s the ease and grace of the feminine that is not in competition.
Competition is the shadow side of the masculine. Being competitive is a byproduct of behavior from the masculine energy that believes that we live in a world of scarcity, which is a perception. It doesn’t have to be true and it is not true because abundance has no scarcity. Pay attention to who she is and where she’s on her path. She’s likely masculine in her energy. The other part of that is the feminine is territorial by instinct. This is the reptilian brain. Way back when which is part of our DNA, whether you want to accept it or not, that’s why we call it the reptilian brain. It’s an instinct. It doesn’t come from pragmatic thinking. The feminine is territorial because she initially believes that she needs to be protected by one man. The man she’s chosen and any other women around will be somewhat a competition. Any other woman will be threatening her protection from that man. He protects her. He brings her back food. He provides shelter. That’s when we were in the caves.
She sees the other women as competition and threat. Both play, if the woman is fully aware of what she’s feeling when she’s not helping other women, if she’s educated in these different parts of the masculine, the feminine and being aware with herself, she’ll be able to identify why she’s feeling that way. If you are in the presence of someone like that, the only thing that you can do is to be accepting and to be aware that it’s not a fun feeling. She can’t possibly be having a good time that way. If she’s not helpful, it’s a reflection of her and what’s going on within her. It has nothing to do with you.
There are many women out there who are carrying around these scars from thinking it was more about them but it wasn’t. It was about the other person.
There are circumstances at work, for instance. If it’s a personal situation, it could be easy if you had the courage and the vulnerability to go up to that woman and say, “We all have enough. What’s going on? There are enough love, abundance and everything we want and need. It’s okay, I’m here. I love you.” It takes a lot to say that. That could be said within the personal environment. In a professional environment, we all need to keep our heads high in a good way, not in an arrogant, superior way, but in a way that gives space to that person for the choice she’s making and behaving that way, that it’s not about you.
I want to honor what we’ve talked about.
What else is present in your life? The challenges that you experienced as a woman.
One of the things that hit home for me was around the competition because I’m very competitive. I want to win, but I was never the type of person who wasn’t happy for the other one to win. I struggled with that a lot in my life where I even felt like my own friends being competitive with me and my own mother being competitive with me, at some point. I wrote down that discussion. I want to go back and listen to that because that is something that I know that the high-achieving ladies who are constantly reading the blog are going to resonate with. They’re either going to fall on one side or the other. I always felt that I struggled to have a strong community of women around me because people felt competitive with me.
I’ve experienced that too. I’ve experienced so much jealousy. Is it called competition? Maybe it is. It’s a form.
Jealousy is a better word to take it one step further.
I’ve had a hard time feeling that jealousy from other women. Some behaviors, sometimes I need to stop, think, feel and wonder whether it’s from jealousy or not because I’m not a jealous person. I’m not an envious person. I don’t understand how people can get mean because they’re jealous. I’ve lived it so much where I would be excluded from circles of women. I would be picked upon. I’ve been told, “Your presence takes too much space. We don’t want you around.” When I was told that, I hadn’t started my spiritual journey, so I couldn’t understand what they even said. I was like, “What are you talking about?”
As a consequence for the longest time, it’s only within the last couple of years that I have women friends. I never had women friends because I always felt this jealousy from other women and I couldn’t understand it. It was easier to have male friends. My friends growing up were guys. I didn’t have girlfriends. I didn’t know what it was to have girlfriends and I didn’t want to. As a consequence, I ended up not wanting to be next to women. It’s only since I’ve embraced my femininity and wanted to go to include my femininity in my life that I started opening up to other women and feel safe only because I felt safe with myself.
I did feel that same experience of jealousy, but all I wanted so bad was the community of women. Isn’t that interesting? It is not a coincidence that I’ve built a community of women locally. I built a community of women here on this show and I’m interviewing women. It is perfect.
I get it because this is why, in some way, I wanted to give back to women because I felt like I had stayed away from them. Not because I wanted to, but because I felt unsafe with them. The experiences I had had shown me that it wasn’t safe to be around them. Unfortunately, a lot of women experience this cattiness, but it’s usually people who are not comfortable within their skin.
The system isn’t set up for that. You are not rewarded to feel comfortable in your skin. You’re not rewarded to go out and be who you are.
It depends on how you see the rewards. For me, the biggest reward is that I’m comfortable in my skin. I’m human, so I have moments of frustration. I have moments where I feel like there is something in me that is growing. I’m shedding some more layers and the journey is never over. Sometimes it’s exhausting. I’ve been shedding another layer of my masculine and I’ll be fully transparent with that. It’s the part where whenever I’m hurt in a personal way with my man and feel like he’s hurt me for whatever reason, I fight back. I am relentless and the fire comes out of me and that’s when the defiance comes back out.
It is your safety mechanism.
I hadn’t fully experienced that of me because I wasn’t so far in a relationship I cared enough for a couple of years. I’ve had four relationships since the past fourteen years since I’ve been divorced. It’s not like a whole bunch of them. With this man I love, I asked him, “How do you experience me when I’m like that?” He has mentioned that he doesn’t like that side of me. He’s uncomfortable with that. For him, it’s one point that could be a breaking point for him. I want to be congruent. I speak of bridging the gap all the time within and with whatever’s happening on the outside is a reflection of what’s happening on the inside. I wanted to look at what is happening to me. In the process of understanding why I do this and maybe it’s no longer a necessary thing for me to do, I asked him, “How do you experience me at that moment?” He goes, “You feel violent at that moment.” It’s his perception, but I think he had a part of that that was true. I spitfire. I am relentless. It’s like if you touch one of my kids, I will kill you. I can be extremely powerful as well in that energy and I’m like war. Here I am going, “Why am I like that when I’m hurt?”
I realized that it’s one of those layers that I hadn’t completely decided to shed yet. It is about my protection system. It is my way of believing. It’s a belief. I believe that if I don’t make myself huge with this energy of anger, is he going to see me? Is he going to hear me and listen to me? Is he going to pay attention to me? Is he going to love me? If I don’t fight, maybe he’s not going to love me because he won’t hear me and see me. I had to completely go back to, “Where did this come from? When did I start this belief?” That’s a huge part of me. It’s a huge part of surrender. It’s a huge part of me going, “I want 2020 to be about effortless abundance.” If I want effortless abundance, I can’t be such a huge fighter. I could literally go with punching gloves in a ring and punch the light out of the guy.
That was a deep pattern that made you safe for a long time, but you don’t need it anymore.
It’s not that easy to let go because I’ve been feeling naked, open and vulnerable in ways where I’m going, “If I’m not that, then who am I?” It’s recalibrating within me, my being in a powerful way but without the fight. I can still channel the fire. It’s good to have a fire, but it depends. You can’t spit it at people. That’s my vulnerable contribution.
Do you need a moment to digest that meal on high performance and being a high performer and being on that success train? I want to hear about it. I’m thinking about the piece that I didn’t mention is how we feel so alone. Tatiana talks about this. Part of the system we build for success as high-performers is we keep ourselves safe by not allowing anyone in. We end up feeling alone as if we’re facing everything on our own and we only rely on ourselves. We only build a relationship of trust, which we are falsely building because trust isn’t there on ourselves. That’s powerful shit. I’m curious what you’re thinking about that.
Here’s the whole point of these conversations. I adore Tatiana and I look forward to having another conversation with her. The reason I’m bringing these conversations forward to you here on this show is to have a conversation with you so you know that you’re not alone, which is the thing I mentioned. Please reach out. There are a few different ways to do that. Leave a comment on the website, leave a review and send me an email. I’d love to hear what you’re thinking. Engage with us on social. Let’s make sure no one feels alone. Let’s do this together. Let’s rely on each other and let’s rise. We’ll talk to you soon.
About Tatiana Dudyez
I was once this very successful business owner of a multimillion $ Canadian franchise, YET… I felt disconnected from my material external success, I felt unfulfilled, exhausted from the pushing to get to the top, unconscious of my purpose, stuck and lonely!
I had hit a wall and realized soon enough that I had numbed myself with achievement as the awesome warrior everyone knew me as… And it wasn’t enough for me anymore, something huge was missing within…
After hundreds of thousands of $ on learning, training, discovery and rivers of tears, what I know for sure today is that Women High Performers are Women before anything else. And THAT is what I was missing. I have developed a unique and innovative formula designed for Women in business, based on not only my personal experience but on hundreds of women’s share of their identical challenges in their lives.
I bring education and understanding to individuals, and the Corporate world, about how to consciously integrate the differences between Men and Women for higher performance TOGETHER. I am an Executive Coach for Conscious High Performance (Men and Women) and I Consult and Train Corporations on creating a Gender Intelligent Culture. Finally, I am also a Public Speaker on Power, Fierce Feminine Leadership and Liberating the Man in the Leader.